Saturday, December 15, 2012
Dream
I dreamed this boy I know's parents went to Cleveland and the mother still had an English accent.
I also had 1 with my organ teacher|choir director from before, my 1 before I went to college, when I was 16 and 17 and when I came home when we stil lived there.
I also had 1 with my organ teacher|choir director from before, my 1 before I went to college, when I was 16 and 17 and when I came home when we stil lived there.
Not in the Competition?
So, Late Boomers want kids today to not be a competition and that's "what" makes them seem white?
Breakfast
5 strips of maple bacon not cooked enough.. =p
a more large bowl of cheesy grits (which I learned to like at a mental hospital in New Orleans.. was gonna have PB but got tired of it at the mental hospital here.. I guess :( WHAT AM I GONNA DO *BEEP* somebody do something, someone with nothing to do at all)
2 pieces of French toast and syrup, well toasted but not burned..
a more large bowl of cheesy grits (which I learned to like at a mental hospital in New Orleans.. was gonna have PB but got tired of it at the mental hospital here.. I guess :( WHAT AM I GONNA DO *BEEP* somebody do something, someone with nothing to do at all)
2 pieces of French toast and syrup, well toasted but not burned..
Why do you think?
Why do you think I need to be stimulated in a bad way in such a pattern?
I noticed since Johnny Depp became famous in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, people online all seem to complain on the inside that like I wasn't online soon enough. They don't listen to me, and it's hard for me to grow.
I noticed since Johnny Depp became famous in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, people online all seem to complain on the inside that like I wasn't online soon enough. They don't listen to me, and it's hard for me to grow.
Problem
Why does Ellen DeGeneres thinks she's cool with some bad remark all the time. It's like, get out of my life, Ellen DeGeneres? Stop pressuring famous people to be mean to me. I got the perfect idea.
Well, I don't know if it's her, but I'm getting little messages I'd prefer not to think about, little clicks in my room, and I guess I'm even being made fun of like as if by her for mentioning "these little clicks" in my room as the excuse.
Why is she so negative? Just because of that n word thing, I think I need to like do out with you all. You won't stop these clicks in my room. I already said to lock my dad up. It's just that I am not talking to my dad.
Well, I don't know if it's her, but I'm getting little messages I'd prefer not to think about, little clicks in my room, and I guess I'm even being made fun of like as if by her for mentioning "these little clicks" in my room as the excuse.
Why is she so negative? Just because of that n word thing, I think I need to like do out with you all. You won't stop these clicks in my room. I already said to lock my dad up. It's just that I am not talking to my dad.
Problem
People keep being really mean to me who know me because of my dad. I'm getting tired of reacting, and violent things come to mind. There's no reason to get mad. You're a lunatic if you do. I mean, it's important to me but should not be of any concern to you, whatsoever.
Dream
So, in the end, Tim Burton came. I let someone who looked like Michelle Pfeiffer sit next to him, and I very happily sat next to her. His daughter was on the other side. She looked like in her 1st Tumblr photos. He told me to sit like next to him and I sat on one of his knees. I was still feeling like I feel mostly. So, he did what he did. He was thinking of how people seemed to know about my ways, that they seemed to spread, probably via people like Johnny Depp finding me online. So, he was nice with me. At that point, he looked at me through my eyes, and it really touched me, made my eyes feel like they kinda like looked in. He put his arm around me and said he loved me, like I was a kid fan. Then, he left. Also, my mom was there and some others. I petted Nell, and she reacted so cutely.
Before, for some reason, I imagined again I was with Ellen DeGeneres, which I would like, but the embarrassing part is that I imagined that not like it was really her someone picked me up for some reason. I guess this is the 1st time it was like this. There was a lot before. I guess I wasn't feeling well. She was like saying look at my legs, look at how small they are and disgusted at how big my core was.
So, I was looking in a mirror, and I saw my "little," "wimpy" legs wrapped around her. I guess she put me down a few times. I just felt kinda normal, warmer. Like, I saw myself in the side, kinda cute.. I guess the made up person was holding my butt, which I didn't notice. I may have noticed that my back I think was being pressed that I wasn't supposed to get up and so I just looked down, with my head over the person's shoulder. So, it was an interesting predicament, that I was too tired because my legs were wimpy. It's funny, in the dream after with Tim Burton, one of his eyes had a black stub over the tear duct and stuck out. So, this person had kinda long, stocky legs. I guess that I wasn't feeling well and was kinda weak and therefore easy to handle, though I'm maybe 164 pounds or is it 161?? :( So, it was kinda cute, I guess the person had eventually kept like cusping my back, like flatting the and on my back to not move my torso.. It was cute. I had my legs wrapped around the person. Like, I saw the angle of my legs, which were quite angular. I guess the person was skinny. Makes sense. However, though my legs were like wrapped around and over, I mean, supposedly they were small, you know?? You know, I'm having a really hard time getting my legs to grow. I mean, they have, but there's just this feeling now, like before, my torso dipped in, like a lot of girls, and then my legs ceased to grow. I don't know how tall I would be. It's hard to imagine that, but it's fun to be tall. I guess I was already upset I was taller than a lot of ladies, already, at age 11.
In the dream after, I guess some other things had happened. I was in a group where Tim had come every year and didn't come 1 year. I went in this building and there was a kinda disgusting cat in the bushes that said, "Me ow," softly, and I described what happened, like kinda Chloe Grace Moretz and someone else I can't think of, I think Orla Fallon. So, my mom was sitting across the bench. She made note of that I wasn't or Nell wasn't supposed to like be there important to me, strictly, like then I realized it was out of place, like supposedly it wasn't something I would do right. Right, it didn't look good. She was kinda small. I petted her sides, and she smiled. I didn't really see her eyes.. She seemed like she was a really happy person on the inside or when she did things.
There was an outside, and I was in a group with gifted kids. There was a huge cat atop a roof of blanket. It was fierce and a bit snazzy, a tiger, a baby tiger. It jumped down, and like in a previous dream I dreamed, we ran and got in the building and saw the cat like sending insults running. Someone caught it under something and closed a square on it, I'd dreamed of, which like I did to it had finally squared over its hole and then was noticed had to still be held down. The cat tried to get out. Somehow the person got its hands and maybe 2 other things and I know I dreamed I'd slice them, and he sliced them. The cat was sad. I got mad, and I realized madly we should have put it in a locked box, or cage. I guess they gaped that they wanted a cage.. It was hard to notice. Then, we put little furry white paws with 3 toes on the ends, and it poofed 1 out when the person left, a boy, and it was happy, and I said to look at it. It was just a happy cat. I said before, save its body parts in case we can put them back on with science, later.
So, yes, there was a big glassy kinda outside with buildings and stuff.
So, I was really mad looking down a list seeing Tim Burton stopped seeing us when I joined. I saw 1 picture of me seeing him with squinty, slanted eyes. There was a big version with just me I got, like via media. When I saw him, his hair was like medium brown slicked down with curls and his face seemed to have been affected by chemicals of facial cleanser. Mine was from using it a lot a long time ago, when I started posting online, 2007. The list was like in a square center.
So, Tim Burton just seemed real, just didn't make me feel a lot like his interviews do when I finally started looking them up.. He did stop awhile, and I stopped believing he was posting to me online. That made me mad. I was mad because he stopped being as cute, but maybe he was onto other things?? I'm not sure what was going on but kinda am. I guess his leg was kinda not weak, just sorta normal, didn't really seem skinny nor like very big, maybe a bit warbly through the black material.
The person who was carrying me was pretty tall and strong and slim, with muscle but not like with too muscular a figure. I guess their arms were comfortably strong. Their torso wasn't so long, a bit warbly and bigger tha.. I dunno. :( I think I got in trouble in my dream or reprimanded for not continuing a feeling and making it noticeable and didn't realize it. I wonder if their pants were white. They seemed kinda smooth and substantial, supple, not like rock hard|solid.
Before, for some reason, I imagined again I was with Ellen DeGeneres, which I would like, but the embarrassing part is that I imagined that not like it was really her someone picked me up for some reason. I guess this is the 1st time it was like this. There was a lot before. I guess I wasn't feeling well. She was like saying look at my legs, look at how small they are and disgusted at how big my core was.
So, I was looking in a mirror, and I saw my "little," "wimpy" legs wrapped around her. I guess she put me down a few times. I just felt kinda normal, warmer. Like, I saw myself in the side, kinda cute.. I guess the made up person was holding my butt, which I didn't notice. I may have noticed that my back I think was being pressed that I wasn't supposed to get up and so I just looked down, with my head over the person's shoulder. So, it was an interesting predicament, that I was too tired because my legs were wimpy. It's funny, in the dream after with Tim Burton, one of his eyes had a black stub over the tear duct and stuck out. So, this person had kinda long, stocky legs. I guess that I wasn't feeling well and was kinda weak and therefore easy to handle, though I'm maybe 164 pounds or is it 161?? :( So, it was kinda cute, I guess the person had eventually kept like cusping my back, like flatting the and on my back to not move my torso.. It was cute. I had my legs wrapped around the person. Like, I saw the angle of my legs, which were quite angular. I guess the person was skinny. Makes sense. However, though my legs were like wrapped around and over, I mean, supposedly they were small, you know?? You know, I'm having a really hard time getting my legs to grow. I mean, they have, but there's just this feeling now, like before, my torso dipped in, like a lot of girls, and then my legs ceased to grow. I don't know how tall I would be. It's hard to imagine that, but it's fun to be tall. I guess I was already upset I was taller than a lot of ladies, already, at age 11.
In the dream after, I guess some other things had happened. I was in a group where Tim had come every year and didn't come 1 year. I went in this building and there was a kinda disgusting cat in the bushes that said, "Me ow," softly, and I described what happened, like kinda Chloe Grace Moretz and someone else I can't think of, I think Orla Fallon. So, my mom was sitting across the bench. She made note of that I wasn't or Nell wasn't supposed to like be there important to me, strictly, like then I realized it was out of place, like supposedly it wasn't something I would do right. Right, it didn't look good. She was kinda small. I petted her sides, and she smiled. I didn't really see her eyes.. She seemed like she was a really happy person on the inside or when she did things.
There was an outside, and I was in a group with gifted kids. There was a huge cat atop a roof of blanket. It was fierce and a bit snazzy, a tiger, a baby tiger. It jumped down, and like in a previous dream I dreamed, we ran and got in the building and saw the cat like sending insults running. Someone caught it under something and closed a square on it, I'd dreamed of, which like I did to it had finally squared over its hole and then was noticed had to still be held down. The cat tried to get out. Somehow the person got its hands and maybe 2 other things and I know I dreamed I'd slice them, and he sliced them. The cat was sad. I got mad, and I realized madly we should have put it in a locked box, or cage. I guess they gaped that they wanted a cage.. It was hard to notice. Then, we put little furry white paws with 3 toes on the ends, and it poofed 1 out when the person left, a boy, and it was happy, and I said to look at it. It was just a happy cat. I said before, save its body parts in case we can put them back on with science, later.
So, yes, there was a big glassy kinda outside with buildings and stuff.
So, I was really mad looking down a list seeing Tim Burton stopped seeing us when I joined. I saw 1 picture of me seeing him with squinty, slanted eyes. There was a big version with just me I got, like via media. When I saw him, his hair was like medium brown slicked down with curls and his face seemed to have been affected by chemicals of facial cleanser. Mine was from using it a lot a long time ago, when I started posting online, 2007. The list was like in a square center.
So, Tim Burton just seemed real, just didn't make me feel a lot like his interviews do when I finally started looking them up.. He did stop awhile, and I stopped believing he was posting to me online. That made me mad. I was mad because he stopped being as cute, but maybe he was onto other things?? I'm not sure what was going on but kinda am. I guess his leg was kinda not weak, just sorta normal, didn't really seem skinny nor like very big, maybe a bit warbly through the black material.
The person who was carrying me was pretty tall and strong and slim, with muscle but not like with too muscular a figure. I guess their arms were comfortably strong. Their torso wasn't so long, a bit warbly and bigger tha.. I dunno. :( I think I got in trouble in my dream or reprimanded for not continuing a feeling and making it noticeable and didn't realize it. I wonder if their pants were white. They seemed kinda smooth and substantial, supple, not like rock hard|solid.
Schedule
So, in 7th and 8th grade, I came home and had a snack, not sure what it was, something like microwaveable egg rolls, possibly pasta, maybe even Pizza Pockets.
Then, I e-mailed for an hour, like until 4 P.M..
Then, I did my homework. I had martial arts Mondays 4-5, Ballet 1 day like 7-8 but wanted more days.. not sure why I didn't look elsewhere seemed like it'd be a good class though I was put with younger kids, tennis on Fridays.. It was like I didn't exercise. I did tennis since the start. So, I didn't watch any TV, except on weekends, Nick at Nite. I watched "Happy Days," "Laverne & Shirley," "The Brady Bunch," and "Gilligan's Island."
So, then, I didn't have time to practice piano.
I probably did church songs and sang under my breath and got musicals.
I watched Cats on the weekend and listened to musicals, while I tried to concentrate on my homework.
So, anyway, I was basically sitting at my table until like 12 A.M. - 1:45 A.M. each night, something like that. There was nothing to think about. I talked to my dad about making friends and relatives, maybe for an hour or so, at 1st.
Then, I went to high school.
Then, I e-mailed for an hour, like until 4 P.M..
Then, I did my homework. I had martial arts Mondays 4-5, Ballet 1 day like 7-8 but wanted more days.. not sure why I didn't look elsewhere seemed like it'd be a good class though I was put with younger kids, tennis on Fridays.. It was like I didn't exercise. I did tennis since the start. So, I didn't watch any TV, except on weekends, Nick at Nite. I watched "Happy Days," "Laverne & Shirley," "The Brady Bunch," and "Gilligan's Island."
So, then, I didn't have time to practice piano.
I probably did church songs and sang under my breath and got musicals.
I watched Cats on the weekend and listened to musicals, while I tried to concentrate on my homework.
So, anyway, I was basically sitting at my table until like 12 A.M. - 1:45 A.M. each night, something like that. There was nothing to think about. I talked to my dad about making friends and relatives, maybe for an hour or so, at 1st.
Then, I went to high school.
Problem
I was e-mailing some kids I knew, and they were racist all of a sudden sneakily since Johnny Depp. 1st, I kept e-mailing some, and 1 "removed me from her friends." Then, I got mad at another one, wrote her a lot, and she stopped talking to me, too. Problem is they're not like from Orlando. It was really like didn't make sense. I don't even know what happened with that. I mean, I kinda wrote a lot lot. We exchanged conversations and some interactions via Faceboook. I realized when I arrived in Louisiana that I was considered like an invalid and not like really white. I can't feel for some thing I did that would make me guilty over there. I mean I was so miserable staying up doing my homework every night but got the best grades. I don't know why I'm getting the idea homework that takes a long time that isn't good could be fun. It was really trashy etc. We had to feel guilty for the teachers. That's totally wrong. How can you even consider that for a second. I am totally onto it. I think everyone agrees but doesn't want to admit it. I think this ruined my opportunity online. I don't know why I was influenced to go online yet, why no one would e-mail me.
Oh Where Is My Hair
They used to sell Radiant Red for lighter shades of red, and my hair is now dark red in the bathroom.
Not a Fair Lady
So, my skin was never pink. I mean sometimes when I came home from college it could have been....
My hair was medium brown as a baby but not like creamy and always like that. Like, maybe at at least 1 point I think of now, well then there's another where it was a darker medium brown. Then, it was so black and straight. People with white hair thought I was their like partner in crime on opposing sides. My eyes were dark.
I'm not sure why people don't like dark features. So many very romantic people are just light.
My hair was medium brown as a baby but not like creamy and always like that. Like, maybe at at least 1 point I think of now, well then there's another where it was a darker medium brown. Then, it was so black and straight. People with white hair thought I was their like partner in crime on opposing sides. My eyes were dark.
I'm not sure why people don't like dark features. So many very romantic people are just light.
Stim-u-la - tion
Did you ever see pictures of someone as a kid and notice that some looked okay and I forgot some looked less than pleasant. You know that from different pictures that there are times when you aren't okay and you got stimulated to look better. I'm not sure if that also happened to me. I didn't really like what I looked like as a baby. I was kinda fat, blubbery, protruding, in the moment all the time. Maybe, it's because I was a crusty, tan baby before.
Problem
Why do I keep getting such beating attacks from Ellen DeGeneres? I'M NOT PARTICULARLY ANTI-JEWISH.
Problem
'3| My dad got in a position like he was my kids's future kids. I'm also getting a message from Ellen DeGeneres, it stopped. He just crouched over fat. He was upset at me because I'm in an experiment and he knows I felt bad. He flipped me off for flipping my thought out of discomfort and acted like it was okay and like Ellen DeGeneres told him to do it and he had to do it.
Where You're From
Maybe, you should talk about like what your dad is like and what your mom is like, too. Moms seem to come naturally. Like, maybe, you should go online and get a blog and get people like her to notice you. It's not like about making me like hurt. I know you don't want anyone hurt. I mean, stop like getting mad at me for posting online because you don't feel like it, too, yet. I mean, I'm 26, and that's simply okay. How are you gonna solve your life if you don't get a blog? You should take advantage of everything. Don't think it's evil. The Amish just like to live a natural life.
Worried
I'm already worried about what I do. I mean, I used to delete things I liked and e-mail like crazy. I mean, my room should only have a few things. I mean, my life shouldn't be so scattered. I know that people talk to her that watch me sometimes through video cameras. I'm sure that normal people have seen me. I don't know why. I guess it's my race.
Paying Attention
I wonder about being with Ellen DeGeneres now. Tim Burton can move onto other projects while I focus my legencies to her.
It's too bad I don't have like a different life, a better blogger, but I came clean. Some things happened, I've hit my head lots of times. I just want this to like go okay, my existence online. :| It's just kinda funny I'm from the area she's from, and I think that's what interests people about me. I moved there from somewhere else and know what people want. I uncovered a pristine culture.
It's too bad I don't have like a different life, a better blogger, but I came clean. Some things happened, I've hit my head lots of times. I just want this to like go okay, my existence online. :| It's just kinda funny I'm from the area she's from, and I think that's what interests people about me. I moved there from somewhere else and know what people want. I uncovered a pristine culture.
Don't trust her!
Let's have Ellen DeGeneres be with me instead of Helena Bonham Carter. Don't you think she'd do okay in Europe, by herself? Or maybe Tim Burton is the nigger.
Don't Mind
I don't think Tim Burton minds Ellen DeGeneres because she's Jewish. Her mom's last name is Jewish. It might not be. Most people I think have a little Jewish.
Before
Why before was Tim Burton's daughter more worthy than I, other than that her dad is Tim Burton and of course her mom is European?
I shrunk.
I'm 5'1". I was 5'4", before, really. That's good. I'm also skinnier. I didn't get my fancy food, but I want it. I'm gonna get it. I kinda have a big butt but skinny arms. Well, not really. This is really embarrassing because I want my food. I guess I get shorter when I don't sleep. I know my hands grow and shrink. :( Anyway, I'm 164 pounds or something.
Listening to Me
It's funny how much danger I'm in alone. You know, no one listens to me and I get interrupted when I think.
I just forgot what else I was gonna say.
I just forgot what else I was gonna say.
Something You Don't Have to Do
Did you ever find that maybe only you have to do something, in the end?
Discouraging
Why are some people discouraged to be great, like more attractive teachers like those people? Then, you find others think they're humble in the past few years because they're all white or maybe part Jewish or part Native American indian but probably not a great deal..
Genetics
My brother is watching it in a science channel. :)
Part of the reason I wanted to do Psychiatry and took the MCAT and studied the generations? Well, that's not "why" I studied the generations.. I liked Psychiatry because I liked to know like "what" exactly influenced people to be how they are, their race and their colors.
Part of the reason I wanted to do Psychiatry and took the MCAT and studied the generations? Well, that's not "why" I studied the generations.. I liked Psychiatry because I liked to know like "what" exactly influenced people to be how they are, their race and their colors.
A Favor
Would you do Ellen DeGeneres a favor? "What" did she do? Raised as a doll and then became more assertive, like a martyr? Did it hurt to be fat??
Somesing Important
Did you ever wonder if something Ellen DeGeneres did was a good idea because of the n word thing, like a serious decision, you know, and like it was important??
Generation X
So, Ellen DeGeneres thinks that early Generation X should have kids and have them figure out stuff. I used to think she was very early Generation X. Like maybe the earliest. When I saw her on YouTube looking up actor interviews from the TV.. :|
Anti-Deserving
I almost forgot what else I was gonna say. I don't want to be hypnotized into submission nor be like everyone else. Well, I want to be like others in some ways, and everyone has something in common.. I'm finding Late Boomers are encouraging me in secret to like trash my life to Early Boomers, like they don't give a care about anyone, can do whatever they want, are there for show as *** toys who some don't really do anything interesting. Maybe, only people like Ellen DeGeneres do because she's part Jewish and like rushes to be attractive. The same thing goes with people with Irish in the U.S., I think. I don't think part Irish people necessarily rush, though.
In the Comfort of My Home
Why am I not allowed to live comfortable in my home, and why am I being tailed for things people don't approve of I did, like ask my dad for a nice shirt at Wal-Mart that finally came out, the 2nd one since a few months ago? I got some things at CVS, not realizing it was expensive, had a nice quiet experience, put back lots of stuff. My dad spent over $100 on me at Wal-Mart. I also needed a light sweater and a windbreaker. I don't know what added up since I got the facial cleanser myself at CVS.
Being Overly Accessible
Did you ever think Ellen DeGeneres shouldn't be accessible to you but to others? Did you ever get how she makes statements and then acts like they're right but they're wrong and she knows and she's just like tossing things around for time and attention? Her mom seems to be aware she's doing this. It's like Ellen DeGeneres is afraid to wet her hands and wants to be the youngest 1. I guess when she was a bit younger she must have met people a bit older more. I should look into her more. I mean, it's interesting but not really always a good thing to do. So, anyway, it's interesting how young people like her. I thought she was much younger, dunno how young. At 1st, I thought she was older, but, then, I saw her. I mean, it must be a life, a bit stressful, eh? I know a lot of people like me, but I'm having a lot of problems starting to watch her now. I mean, I'm like in this experiment, and people are giving me messages like they're from her, and I get in trouble if I get mad.
How She's Treated IE
Why are only people born around 1960 treated okay, like 1957, 1958, and 1960 and 1961?
Time
So, if you met someone like Ellen DeGeneres as opposed to Tim Burton, I'm guessing Ellen DeGeneres would spend more time on you if you weren't an actor|famous actor, and Tim Burton would if you were. He spent a lot of time with Johnny Depp. They seem to think, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, that you'd hog all their attention. I wonder why that is. I guess there are only so many famous people who are romantic like that.
People have different ways of wanting to meet people. I just watched The Hobbit and now feel really disconnected. Like, I don't even know where someone like Tim Burton is. People seem to icon-ize him, since working with Johnny Depp. Ellen DeGeneres's mom's last name is Jewish, and Johnny Depp, while not Jewish, has non-"European," though more Native American indian and related to the 1st freed black woman in America..
People have different ways of wanting to meet people. I just watched The Hobbit and now feel really disconnected. Like, I don't even know where someone like Tim Burton is. People seem to icon-ize him, since working with Johnny Depp. Ellen DeGeneres's mom's last name is Jewish, and Johnny Depp, while not Jewish, has non-"European," though more Native American indian and related to the 1st freed black woman in America..
Best Interest at Heart
So, sometimes things seem good for you because it'll be "about" your "interests?" Like, racially? Like, things will happen?
Extremely Torturous
What do you think of being in extremely torturous situations, like you get really annoyed and cornered? Like, people put curse words in your head, and others don't like them. I know I used to act like I was really hurting people but didn't think I was but worried I did.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)